The Big Lebowski

Directed by: Lee Roy Myers

Cast: Tom Byron, Kimberley Kane, James Deen, Peter O’Tool, Eddie Adams, Bobbi Starr, Keni Styles, Briana Blair, Carla Cox, Kristina Rose, Anthony Rosano, Rocco Reed, Alexis Grace, Jackie Daniels, Andy San Dimas, Celeste Star, London Keyes, Steve Holmes, Evan Stone, Roy Karch, F.F., Bridgette B, Evie Delatosso, Dana DeArmond, Don Philipe Escobar, Erin Taylor, Alison Tyler, Kurt Lockwood, Bif Studly

I always like to come back to this parody, not because it is a perfect parody or has the best sex scenes or anything, but because it is as quotable as its namesake. Oh, no one understands when I make references to it, because (oddly) no one in my life is into parody porn. Doesn’t stop me from quoting, though.

The intro, served by none other than Evan Stone, is as good as the movie but much weirder, and delivered in a way that only Evan ever could. The plot, while incredibly reminiscent of the original, is more homage than parody. I love how the rug plays into it, but doesn’t, for example–and it isn’t even how you think (there isn’t even a mention of rug munching, can you believe it? Missed opportunities).

Peter O’Tool plays a pretty incredible John Goodman. The voice, the inflection, I’d even be willing to go as far as to call it “acting”, insofar as one can apply the term to a porn parody. I can’t recall anything else I’ve seen Eddit Adams in, but he definitely pulls of Donny well. The awkwardness and plain, all around weirdness of it all is fantastic. Evan Stone as Lebowski’s butler is, again, fantastic–this is the type of role that you can really tell Stone enjoys the hell out of. Just give him a character, throw him on the set, and let the rest happen.

It’s an odd thing, James Deen as Jesus was better than I expected. I mean, you could tell it was Deen, but it wasn’t your usual Deen, like he actually tried to act like someone who wasn’t James Deen. I mean, acting is a bit stronger a word than what I am looking for, but I guess maybe there was acting…

The out-of-universe porn scene in this film, the kind I usually hate, is actually fantastic and fits into the story. It is a parody porn in a parody porn (Yo Dawg…), and I actually got a laugh out of it. They put the same level of effort into the out of universe scene as they did into the movie in general–the scene is one of The Dude’s porn videos he is watching, though it was always in my head that Tom Byron is probably masturbating as I watch this scene, but there you have it. The other problem is that while I liked the premise of the scene, the scene itself was pretty terrible (the F in the MMF looked like getting stabbed would be more enjoyable…). There’s actually a second out of universe scene, but again it is a well done parody of a parody in a parody. Parody-ception.

The parody itself is nearly 3 hours long, and they make good use of that. There is plenty enough plot, and the sex covers so many different scenes that there will definitely be something you like here (but maybe something you won’t, which is fair). There’s some analingus, anal, MF, a pure blowjob scene, an all female orgy, the aforementioned MMF scene, an FFM, and a host of others.

Faithfulness to source material: 10/10 (A great parody/homage.)
Sex: 1,3,5,7,9/10 (Depends on your taste, really. There’s going to be something here you like. There’s going to be something here you don’t. Probably.)
Production values:9/10 (I enjoy the way this was filmed, the colors and sets and attention to certain details. )
Filming and Direction: 10/10 (Lee Roy Myers does not disappoint.)
Dialogue: 9/10 (The scene with Maude Lebowski saved the dialogue from being mediocre and really turned the dial up on this category.)

Overall Impression: 9/10 (An incredibly high quality parody. Not the best of the best, but definitely worth watching both for fans of porn overall, for fans of porn with plot, for fans of The Big Lebowski, and generally anyone else in a subcategory of the above.)

Worth watching, and then worth watching again.

The Wizard of Oz

Directed by: Will Ryder

Cast: Maddy O’Reilly, Anikka Albrite, Brandy Aniston, Nina Hartley, Alexis Adams, Stella Marie, Mac Turner, Dick Chibbles, James Bartholet, Eric John, Seth Gamble, Gary Lee, Kurt Lockwood, Scott David, Eric Swiss

This… It’s… It’s so beautiful. Honestly, it is everything I have ever wanted in a porn parody. It is a musical, as was its namesake, and I think they actually hired a singer or two (the porn stars/starlets are mostly lip synching). The songs may not be exactly inspired, but it is clear that they spent at least two nights drunk on vodka writing them! That is way more than the hour or two I have come to expect from my musical porn parodies!

Another thing you get when you come to this parody is AUTHENTICITY! I know you are aware how much I love me some authenticity, so the fact that the first two scenes are filmed in black and white (and then given a filter, so they look like the 1942 original) really got me in the mood… TO REVIEW!

Now, I will warn you, once the movie switches into Oz (and GLORIOUS, over saturated, AUTHENTIC technicolor), things do get a little weird. The munchkins, dwarfish as they are, are incredibly horny creatures, we are told! And then promptly get a … What is the technical term? I hear midget porn is considered offensive. Anyway, a little person/big person sex scene. The rest of the sex scenes are done primarily in full costume; this might be a turn off for some, but it certainly works for the true parody enthusiast.

Each of the primary three characters (Dorothy notwithstanding) has a slightly altered reason for seeking out the Wizard who is the namesake of the film; the Scarecrow, for example, seeks not a brain, but ambition! He has never managed to hold down a job! The tin man needs lube to keep having sex! And the Lion needs the wizard to tell him if he’s gay. I don’t know why he needs the Wizard for that, though, as the introductory song (the FABULOUS introductory song) makes it fairly clear to me. Some people stay in the closet for far longer than is required, I guess.

The truly evil witch forces (FORCES) the poor tin man to have sex with her, knowing that it will cause him to seize up, but demands that he finish not on her, but on Dorothy’s face. I WONDER WHY THAT COULD BE! I won’t spoil it for you, though! It is super secret!

Now, the Wizard has left The Emerald City, so they need to find another way home! HOW WILL THEY DO IT?! Well, the Good Witch Glenda has the answer; the way home is through the power of love! (Though not how Disney would generally define it…) They need lots of love power, though, so a simple show of love won’t do it. We are gonna need to take it up a notch! But how would we do that, you may ask? Why, an orgy of course! Their definition of orgy is fairly non-pornographic, though, as they kick the Tin Man, Scarecrow, and Lion out (the Lion for obvious reasons, the rest are just told to go away), and it boils down to an FFM threesome between Dorothy, Glenda, and an unnamed character who shows up out of nowhere.

As far as the sex, it is mostly vanilla aside from the costumes (and the one “not gonna call it midget porn” scene). There is a bit of gagging and analingus during the orgy, but you’re fine until you get to that point. There’s a female solo scene, a few MF scenes, and the aforementioned FFM to round things out. The sex isn’t superbly standout or anything, but (unlike Saw…) does not pretend to be something it isn’t. This is a parody first, and porn second, and wait what the fuck? I’m confused now…

Faithfulness to source material: 10/10 (Everything is kept intact; the primary group of four antagonists, the evil witch, the good witch, the tiny people, the flying monkeys (well, at least the fact that there are monkeys). It is all reproduced for your fapping pleasure.)
Production values: 10/10 (The costumes are great, the sets are good, a lot of effort went into the filming of this parody.)
Sex: 8/10 (Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. That’s about the best I can say.)
Filming and Direction: 10/10 (The acting, the singing, the way every scene is arranged, it is all done with the highest level of homage to the original. Axel Braun may have competition for best parody director!)
Dialogue:10/10 (“A gay lion? Maybe he’s from a Gay Pride?”)

Overall Impression: 10/10

All of the things I loved about Saw the xxx parody are present, but without the gore porn! Probably one of the best produced parodies I’ve got (though I’ve watched so many, there may be plenty I am forgetting… For now.).

24

Directed by: Axel Braun
Cast: Alec Knight, Alektra Blue, Ash Hollywood, Brie Simone, Claire Robbins, Giovanni Francesco, Kaylani Lei, Kurt Lockwood, Penny Pax, Seth Gamble, Tyler Nixon

A ton of action and a very production values make this a definite quality watch. Kurt Lockwood brings the legendary Jack Bauer into the world of pornography in hilarious fashion. Take the always intense character, and turn the dial up to 24 out of 10.

Jack Bauer is portrayed as a testosterone black hole and every other character seems a lot less manly just by his proxy. Changing a primary element of the show changes the way the plot plays out in a way that would deviate from canon somewhat, but the movie definitely handles itself well. The interactions of every other character, each of whom is still written to be a normal, sane human being, with Jack are hilarious.

While watching, there is definitely a chance that you will legitimately laugh out loud. If that’s not what you are looking for, you came to the wrong movie. The juxtaposition of the action, drama, and sex with the heavy dose of comedy highlights each change in mood, and the roller coaster can be almost disorienting at times. That’s definitely not to say the sex in 24:XXX isn’t hot, and there is something in it for everyone. That being said, when you try to please everyone, you might end up sending others away — the opening scene has a blowjob with so much gagging that only a bulimic hooker would find it attractive. Hey, I don’t judge, though — bulimic hookers need love, too. In addition to that, there’s some lesbian play, some mmf, some ffm, some vanilla, and some very light bondage (as well as some anal mixed into the bondage). If none of those are your thing, I’m wondering what you are looking for in your porn.

The filming style of 24:XXX might be what makes it all a bit more magical. They take the filming style of its namesake and bring it full on into the porn production; you can definitely expect the picture-in-picture that is so famous, the ticking clock during scene transitions (though what it is counting up to is up to you, because as the opening scene makes clear, the movie takes place sometime between 8pm last night, and Thursday morning. Pacific Time), and the President of the United States. What would a good parody of 24 be without a plot to assassinate the PotUS? Again. To round out the list of things every good porn parody needs, Ron Jeremy makes an appearance, because Ron Jeremy. That last sentence was everything it needed to be, and more.

The writing is great, too; lots of callbacks to the original, lots of good dialogue (you came for the dialogue, right?), some great character interactions. You may miss a couple of jokes if you aren’t familiar with the source material, but you can still find a lot to love here.

I don’t think this is the porn I’d pick to cap off a night, but it is definitely an entertaining watch for a good movie night. If you’re alone, or your company is very open minded. But that’s your personal life, and I have no business there.

Faithfulness to source material: 6/10
Production values: 9/10
Sex: 7/10
Filming and Direction: 9/10
Dialogue: 9/10

Overall Impression: 8/10